The Zillion Fires

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What is this raging inferno in my middle,
This cacaphonic storm in my head?

It must be some parts of myself,
Longing to tell me something,
But I can’t catch any words.

There’s a rumbling volcano
That quakes inside my throat
I go somewhere safe to erupt,
But she spills only wails and sobs.

What do you need, poor suffering tumultuous sea?
And why won’t you speak to me in ways I can understand?

I feel irritation, and fear, and sadness
But not a clue from you, what to do with it.

Is this just the result of ways I’ve oppressed you?
I know I worked hard at something I didn’t love,
And sacrificed joy in too many of those “now”s
For the ephemeral gleam of a far off future.

I know I ran from discomfort
Reaching for the fridge,
Or for more work to do,
Or to the shiny promise of tomorrow…

But I’m trying.

I’m trying to listen,
But I don’t understand you.

I’m trying to make out your message,
But there’s nothing in this language for me, but pain.

I don’t know how I distanced myself
So far from your ability to reach me

I want to run from everything
To pretend I’ve never been part of this existence at all.

I probably need to get more quiet.
To figure out how to show you
You can trust me with the words that need saying.

I probably need to get more quiet
To show me I can trust me with the words that need hearing.
There’s so much noise here
So many tugs on my attention
Maybe you don’t feel safe.

Where can I go?
What can I do?

How can one get still
When she is one with the molten core
Of Earth Herself?
And the zillion fires filling the sky?

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