But I Don’t Wanna Fly


Acroyoga is awesome. I really enjoyed being hoisted upside-down on someone’s feet for the first time in Puerto Rico, and using my strength to lift friends into the air in Venice Beach. There’s a whole acro community here in Ubud, and lots of opportunities to “fly” (as they call the aerial part of the practice). I keep feeling like I should go join them, but it’s remained just that… a “should”.

The truth is, acro just isn’t pulling me right now. I just simply don’t want to do it.

As soon as I see that, an old mental pattern kicks in: “Oh, I don’t want to do it, I must be in resistance to something that’s good for me. I should take a good look at that, probably by making myself go”. And all sorts of related mental constructions pop up: “Maybe I’m just feeling shy, and afraid of all the interpersonal interaction acro requires… maybe I should push myself out of my shell” or “Maybe my mind has just become bored with the practice, so it’s not interested, but if I push myself to go, I could find something deeper and become fascinated again”.

Those “if I…” statements are probably true – I’m sure I could find value in many ways, if I chose to go. But what I’ve been gradually learning over some time, and finally really getting here, is that there’s no shortage of “YES”es for me… I don’t have to push myself to turn “NO”s into “YES’es.

Oh snap – it just hit me: thinking everything has to be a YES, just because it “might be good for me” is just personal growth FOMO (fear of missing out).

I already know FOMO isn’t to be trusted. If I didn’t know it before I came to Ubud, I’d certainly have to learn it here. In this place, it always seems there are 5,000 things you’ve always dreamed of doing, happening simultaneously at any given moment. If that recognition alone didn’t guide you to release FOMO, the inevitable exhausted collapse from trying all week to be 8 places at once would force you to surrender “the ‘MO”. (I’ve seen it happen – a lot.)

Wow, it’s really only been FOMO all these years that has made me push myself to do random things that I don’t want to do, just because they’re “out of my comfort zone”, or “the challenge would be good for me”.

The world has enough for me, that I DO want to do.

But don’t we have to do things we don’t want to do sometimes? Life isn’t all about sitting and eating Bonbons.

Sure, and it’s built-in. The paths I pursue out of love and enthusiasm bring enough of their own challenges. In following my joy, I am naturally pushed outside my comfort zone. The little steps I don’t want to take, show up within the path I DO want to walk. I don’t have to go seeking misery.

There’s no shortage of steps of all kinds, on paths of all kinds.

It’s almost as if my scarcity mindset went so deep, I imagined there would be a lack of growth opportunities in pursuing things I really love. I needed to manufacture growth opportunities through pursuing things I didn’t love, in order to keep moving myself forward.

Wow, my trust in the universe has been that small.

You know what’s really good for building trust? Acroyoga. 😛

(photo: Dina Eric)

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3 thoughts on “But I Don’t Wanna Fly”

  1. Ha Ha…..Well said, my precious daughter. Welcome back to Ubud. You were terribly missed, but I am happy for you for the experience. It’s awesome that you are writing again. You are so good at it, and I really enjoy your writings. I Love You!

    Love, Mama XOXO

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